Breaking News: Taylor Swift Loses Her Damn Mind!

Maybe I’m overreacting…yeah, that’s it!
I mean, it has to be a prank! Right? This can’t be real! This can’t be happening!

Even with all her musical success, there’s no way in hell that Taylor Swift would even come close to carrying enough receipts to qualify her to cover Earth, Wind, and Fire’s R&B funk classic September. It’s a hundred years too soon, Becky! She shoulda just stayed in her lane as the anti-Miley Cyrus with ongoing boy troubles and other privileged White girl issues of having too much wealth and fame with little to no talent.

But don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate TS. I hate her decision to cover an EWF up-tempo masterpiece that used to pack dance floors in the late 70’s with a parade of polyester bell bottoms and hot pants in the Soul Train line dance. It’s the kind of song your parents might say they danced to when they first met…if they happen to be Black. (Because wypipo really don’t dance to music. They just kind of move to it in an orderly fashion…or not.)

And I know there are legions of Taylor-can-do-no-wrong-Swifties out there who can’t understand the Twitter backlash. That TS has taken a timelessly popular dance song–a song that can still seduce old school fam at a backyard barbecue, or family reunion to cut a rug and do the Bump–by a legendary soul group and transformed it into an acoustical type of suicide note. And you can listen to all 17 seconds of the vocal assault here.

And I know what you’re saying, that if TS was Black that there would be no backlash. That when the late Whitney Houston remade, recreated, reinvented, repurposed, totally owned, took us to church, baptized us, made us into born-again-believers with her deeply soulful rendition of Dolly Parton’s I Will Always Love You that she was endlessly praised for doing so. Umm…that’s because Swift’s vocal “range”–ranging from nonexistent to something unheard of–cannot and should not be compared to legendary singers who actually have one.

Now apparently, EWF member Philip Bailey has given TS his blessing and I don’t have a problem with that. Because it’s a win-win for him so I’m not going to revoke his pass to Wakanda. Swift’s attempted whitewashing of September will have no effect on the original chart-topper and may even expand the group’s fan base for those who (God forbid) have not heard of the great Earth, Wind, and Fire. In the meantime, I’ll be looking forward to Rachel Dolezal’s acapella version of Jungle Boogie by Kool and the Gang done in blackface.


14 Replies to “Breaking News: Taylor Swift Loses Her Damn Mind!”

  1. A shitty cover is a shitty cover and there are millions that come out on youtube every day, I just think that most people fail to realize how funk and r&b revolutionised music in the 70s and gave people a voice they didn’t really have in pop culture back then. Taylor Swift probably just scrolled through a list given to her by her record company and thought September was ok. Changing up the song is the point of doing a cover version (even as radically bad as this one is) but it’s a wasted effort not knowing what this song means or where it comes from.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly! I don’t mind people doing covers like Alien Ant Farm’s cover of Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson. I equally loved both versions. But it’s like you said “a shitty cover is a shitty cover”, and being a major artist doesn’t immune you from making a shitty cover.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know anything about TS. I’ve heard the name, of course, but for the most part, I still listen to the same music I did 40+ years ago. Black culture has given the world its music. For which we would have suffered without the likes and inspirations of (ordered by favorite) rock & roll, blues, jazz, soul, hip-hop, and rap. And surely there must be other genres created by a people so remarkably in tune with rhythm. And there’s no gospel sung like the praise ringing out from a black church revival, and by damn, you don’t have to be Christian or black to dig it. It will flat-out resurrect every dead and decomposed atheist within earshot and have them shouting hallelujah. Reprove me if I’m out of line, Benjamin, but what would you have an overwhelmingly inherently rhythmless white people do if not imitate? Imitation is, is it not, the highest compliment?

    Think Steve Martin in The Jerk should you think of me stomping to the beat.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m crine over here
     In the meantime, I’ll be looking forward to Rachel Dolezal’s acapella version of Jungle Boogie by Kool and the Gang done in blackface

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Love your humour in your writing and regarding Taylor Swift I have stopped listening to music after the 1970s because that’s when all the good music ended. That’s probably not true at all but that’s my generation of music. I certainly remember earth wind and fire and they were fantastic. I love that song morning dance. Certainly expressing opinion is a great way to provoke comments on your blog but music as I know is very personal. Therefore I would never disagree with your preference

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.