Feeling A Little Lost

I just turned the big Five-O on last Saturday and it sucked because I feel I’m nowhere near I think a man my age should be in life. And I’m tired. I’m tired of having to take the high road. I’m tired of having to rise above my circumstances. I’m tired of feeling that as a black man living in America that I have to work twice as hard to be half as good. I’m tired of getting knocked down. I’m tired of having to get up. And I don’t believe the things that haven’t killed me have somehow made me stronger. If anything they’ve made me resentful, bitter, and distrustful of people. But I’m just venting because I don’t know if I have the strength to start all over again. To start from the bottom. It’s not that I think it’s hopeless. That I can’t start over. I just think it’s pointless.

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8 thoughts on “Feeling A Little Lost

  1. I think you’ll be fine. 50 is a wake-up call, but it’s just a reminder to start planning for the future. Retirement is 15 years away. My mom turned 50 recently and I’ve been helping her with that, especially with setting up investment accounts and downsizing.

    I’m not sure what your situation is, but I think as tiring as it is, starting over can be an adventure. Hopefully that’s how it turns out for you.

    Wishing you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry, man. If it’s any consolation, I assumed you were much younger from that one picture you posted awhile so… 🙂

    I have no good advice since there’s no way I could actually know how you feel about trying so hard. I do understand feeling stuck and unaccomplished. Supposedly it works to set one attainable goal (say, like a trip or learning something) and planning out how you’ll make it.

    Liked by 1 person

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