I just turned the big Five-O on last Saturday and it sucked because I feel I’m nowhere near I think a man my age should be in life. And I’m tired. I’m tired of having to take the high road. I’m tired of having to rise above my circumstances. I’m tired of feeling that as a black man living in America that I have to work twice as hard to be half as good. I’m tired of getting knocked down. I’m tired of having to get up. And I don’t believe the things that haven’t killed me have somehow made me stronger. If anything they’ve made me resentful, bitter, and distrustful of people. But I’m just venting because I don’t know if I have the strength to start all over again. To start from the bottom. It’s not that I think it’s hopeless. That I can’t start over. I just think it’s pointless.